Published August 19, 2024 by Zencare Team. Written by Michael Sylvester
Trigger warning: Mention of suicide
Therapy can be scary. Therapy can be tough. Therapy is hard work if you are truly confronting your demons, but I am here to say that it is well worth it. It is powerful. It is revealing. It is healing. It will change your life if you do the work. I write this as a how-to guide for beginning and navigating healing through therapy. There are many things I wish I knew before and during my therapy sessions that would have saved me ample time had I been directed by someone with more experience.
My journey in therapy began when I was 15. I am now a veteran of 25 years on the therapeutic journey. I have learned many valuable lessons about the revelations as well as the pitfalls of this journey. I have been guided through the vast majority of demons which have haunted me for extended periods of my life. Therapy has helped me past a nervous breakdown and three suicide attempts, which I was able to move on from. It has helped me regain objectivity, from many deeply distorted states of mind.
The purpose of this article is to share some of the secrets I have learned in therapy to maximize your growth through it. I hope to share some of the insights I have made from my mistakes, and the successes I have found on my path. It is from years of therapy that I wish to share some lived-experience wisdom about treatment and its impact.
1. Shop Around
The first insight I wish to share is the importance of knowing that not all therapists are equal in skill. It’s important to shop around. Competency is a spectrum amongst therapists, and it’s important to also find a good chemistry with potential professionals to aid in one’s progress. This requires patience, which can be hard to muster if you are in the midst of a period of intense suffering. That said, finding a good fit for your goals is the first major hurdle to overcome at the outset.
2. Trust is Essential
Forming a relationship of trust with someone you can speak with candidly is the cornerstone of treatment. The relationship can span years and sessions can be quite intense during difficult transitions in your life. If you can’t find a therapist you can trust with very personal parts of your life, you will never be able to discuss or confront your most difficult barriers to healing. An alliance must be formed between client and therapist to generate the ideal environment of privacy and safety in order to progress. I do not recommend compromising very much on this point, as it is a hallmark of successful therapy. I recommend taking one’s time to find a good fit and finding someone that you “like” in addition to trust in their credentials.
3. Take it Slow
Additionally, it is important to be patient with your progress along the way. Therapy is a process, and some of the avenues of healing can be winding and lengthy. Immediate gratification is not something you are likely to find as a client. Trying to expedite your healing processes is usually counter-productive and can actually slow progress rather than encourage it. I recommend approaching therapy more like a long hiking trip rather than a foot race. It is more like mountain-climbing than the softness of the therapy couch might lead one to believe.
4. Be Cautious
When seeking a therapist, as a client it is important to watch out for red flags. There is a small percentage of bad-apple therapists out there that do more harm than good. Trust your instincts if something feels uncomfortable in your initial sessions. If something seems amiss with regards to your boundaries, search for proper therapy rules to make sure your therapist is following them. Licensing is quite stringent for therapists, but not all problematic people are screened through the process.
5. Others Will Probably Resist
Here, I want to address what is known as being the “target” patient. Inevitably in any group dynamic, when one person begins to change within the group, the rest of the group responds. Your friends and family will most likely show some resistance to your decision to begin treatment. Likewise, as you progress and change through your conversations with your therapist, they may not like that you’ve changed. This is why it is essential to respect your right to your boundaries as things transform. Be firm with others that you are committed to healing, and not going let others’ resistance set you back. Also remember with regards to wanting to help others heal, that you can only lead by example, and can help no one else who has no willingness to change.
6. Make the Most of your Time
The next important subject to discuss in getting the most out of therapy is to be willing to face the demons that scare you the most. Much time and effort can be lost in therapy when a client is unwilling to address their core issues. They wind up “spinning their wheels” and don’t deal with the problems causing the most difficulty in their lives. Honesty and courage are essential for transformation. Being aware of the issues you avoid in your typical daily routine is important to finally resolving them. If your real issue is an old trauma from the past, discussing water-cooler politics regarding work in your sessions will not lead to results.
7. The Journey Can Be Long and Winding
I reiterate here the importance of patience and persistence as the key to growth. You will find that you have cyclical patterns that you follow according to your progress. Before, during, and after meaningful shifts and breakthroughs, you will have individual benchmarks that are personal to you specifically. These cycles set their own schedule, and must be allowed to progress, rather than be forced. A steady, gradual progression and consistency in treatment is more common than lightning-bolt, healing revelations. Set a realistic timeline for when you hope to see meaningful changes in your life come about. There is a balance of leaning out of comfort into a slightly uncomfortable state as one confronts old wounds. This takes time and understanding more than anything else.
8. If I Can Do It, So Can You
Despite the daunting fears that often accompany starting therapy, I can include myself as a personal example of someone who knows that it’s worth the trouble. My life has benefitted tremendously from my sessions with therapists who I vetted fully and grew to trust. I fully and completely believe I am alive today due to my willingness to engage in therapy, rather than face my demons without professional help. Successful therapy involves a lot of hard work and soul-searching, but it is richly rewarding over time.
9. Best of Luck
My final message to therapy seekers looking for help with their mental health is to get started down your path without delay. The sooner you find an ally in healing and growth, the sooner you can reap the rewards of your efforts. I hope this guide gives valuable insights to those who need it, and will help clients avoid a pitfall or two that I wound up trapped in. Resources are abundant if one has the willingness to engage in treatment with a mental health professional. Many therapists even charge on a sliding scale fee to accommodate lower income brackets. Have the courage to take on the process and watch as things that once consumed you transition into closure and peace.
If finding a therapist is the next step in your healing or wellness journey, Zencare can help you find someone that fits your needs. You can use Zencare’s filters to narrow down therapists who take your insurance or fit your budget, specialize in issues that you’d like to tackle and who may even look like you or come from a similar background.