Published on May 5, 2025 by Zencare Team.
Romantic relationships thrive on emotional openness — but what happens when emotions feel unsafe?
For individuals living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this is an everyday challenge. PTSD doesn’t just affect how someone experiences fear or flashbacks; it can profoundly shape how they express love, handle conflict, and respond to vulnerability.
A recent study from Penn State reveals a hidden dynamic that might explain why: fear of emotions themselves can be a major barrier to healthy communication.
In this article, we’ll explore how PTSD symptoms, emotional avoidance, and trauma-informed communication intersect — and what couples can do to heal together, one conversation at a time.
What PTSD Symptoms Do to Emotional Expression in Relationships
PTSD is commonly associated with nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety. But in intimate relationships, its effects often go much deeper. It’s not always about what’s visible. It’s about what gets buried.
People with PTSD may struggle with emotional numbing, avoidance, and withdrawal — coping mechanisms that once protected them from overwhelming experiences. Over time, these behaviors can become barriers to connection, making it hard to open up or even feel safe with someone they love.
You might wonder: Are people with PTSD simply emotionally distant? It can look that way. But emotional flatness isn’t about not caring — it’s about staying safe. When trauma teaches the brain that feelings equal danger, shutting down becomes a form of protection.
Dr. Steffany Fredman, lead researcher of the Penn State study, explains, “Generally speaking, people with PTSD view themselves and other people negatively, and the resulting mistrust, anger, avoidance, withdrawal and emotional numbing put strain on their romantic relationships.”
So what looks like emotional coldness may actually be someone doing their best to avoid re-triggering themselves. The paradox? The more they withdraw to stay safe, the more isolated both partners can feel.
Key Takeaway:
PTSD-related emotional numbing and avoidance aren't signs of apathy — they’re survival strategies that can unintentionally block intimacy and communication.
The Hidden Barrier: Fear of Emotions
One of the most powerful findings from Fredman’s research was that fear of emotions — not just the emotions themselves — plays a huge role in relationship challenges among people with PTSD.
The study looked at 64 couples where both partners had experienced trauma. Those with higher PTSD symptoms were significantly more likely to fear their emotions — and that fear disrupted how they communicated.
“This study is the first to identify that fear of emotions has interpersonal consequences,” Fredman shared.
When someone is afraid of what they feel, emotionally charged moments like conflict, vulnerability, or even joy can feel threatening. This fear often leads to fight, flight, or freeze behaviors:
- Lashing out to deflect the discomfort
- Shutting down to avoid feeling overwhelmed
- Avoiding the conversation altogether
None of these strategies foster healthy communication. But to the nervous system of someone with PTSD, they feel like the only safe options.
Key Takeaway:
Fear of emotions is a critical, often overlooked factor that explains why people with PTSD may struggle to communicate — even when they deeply want connection.
Understanding the Demand/Withdraw Pattern in PTSD Relationships
Among the most damaging cycles identified in the study was the demand/withdraw pattern — a common relationship trap, and one that becomes especially destructive when PTSD is involved.
Here’s how it often plays out:
- One partner asks for more closeness, support, or answers.
- The other — overwhelmed by emotional pressure — withdraws.
- The first partner, feeling rejected, pushes harder.
- The second partner retreats further.
This back-and-forth continues until both partners feel misunderstood, frustrated, and emotionally exhausted.
What the Penn State study revealed is that fear of emotions intensifies this cycle. Partners who were afraid of their own emotional responses were more likely to disengage — or become reactive. That fear makes even well-intentioned communication feel like an ambush.
“Fear of emotions is an important influence on the communication style of couples where one or both people have PTSD symptoms,” Fredman noted.
Key Takeaway:
When fear of feelings is involved, everyday relationship conflicts can spiral into communication breakdowns that damage connection and trust.
When Emotions Feel Like Threats
Here’s a crucial insight: For people with PTSD, emotions themselves can act as trauma triggers.
Even positive or neutral feelings — excitement, vulnerability, affection — can mimic the intensity of trauma. The body remembers what it felt like to be in danger, and emotional arousal becomes a red flag.
Fredman explains, “Individuals with PTSD often experience emotions as dangerous and a trigger — or a trauma reminder — because strong emotions were felt during or after their trauma.”
That means:
- A heated argument may feel like physical danger.
- Expressing sadness may spark panic.
- Receiving love may feel suspicious or destabilizing.
These trauma responses are not rational — they're physiological. And unless both partners recognize what’s happening, they can interpret each other’s behaviors through the lens of rejection or apathy.
Key Takeaway:
For individuals with PTSD, even healthy emotions can feel threatening. Without awareness, this fear can hijack communication and strain the relationship.
What Is Trauma-Informed Communication — and Why Does It Matter?
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. While therapy is essential, the everyday conversations between partners can be just as impactful — if they’re grounded in trauma-informed communication.
This approach prioritizes emotional safety, empathy, and co-regulation. It doesn’t mean walking on eggshells. It means approaching each other with curiosity instead of judgment, and patience instead of pressure.
Key trauma-informed strategies include:
- Slowing down emotionally intense moments
- Asking before assuming, especially during conflict
- Reflective listening, to show understanding and reduce reactivity
- Creating repair rituals, so miscommunications don’t spiral into disconnection
- Using "I" statements to take responsibility for your own emotions
Fredman puts it simply, “Relationships in which people can both express themselves and listen can promote recovery from PTSD.”
The goal isn't perfect communication — it's safe communication.
Key Takeaway:
Trauma-informed communication gives couples the tools to reconnect. By creating space for emotional safety and mutual understanding, healing becomes a shared journey.
Couple-Based Therapy: Healing Together
Can couples therapy help when trauma is involved? The research says yes — and the results are encouraging.
Fredman helped develop a couple-based PTSD treatment called Cognitive-Behavioral Conjoint Therapy (CBCT). One study found that couples who completed just a weekend intensive showed significant improvements in PTSD symptoms and communication patterns.
This form of therapy doesn’t just treat trauma — it treats the relationship as part of the healing process.
“This latest study reveals more nuance about how PTSD symptoms, fear of emotions and communication difficulties are connected and why they should be treated at the same time,” said Fredman.
Whether through structured therapy or at-home practice, couples can learn to identify trauma responses, name emotions, and support each other’s healing without triggering old wounds.
Key Takeaway:
Couples therapy that addresses both trauma and communication is highly effective. It helps partners build trust, heal emotional wounds, and grow closer — even after significant distress.
Final Thoughts: Relearning Emotional Safety Together
PTSD can make emotions feel like the enemy. But when couples approach those emotions with compassion and understanding, relationships can become safe spaces for healing.
The key isn’t to avoid emotional intensity — it’s to learn how to hold it together. That might mean pausing before reacting, checking in more often, or seeing withdrawal not as rejection but as a stress response.
If you or your partner are struggling with PTSD and communication issues, you’re not alone. A trauma-informed couples therapist can help you break the cycle and start building trust again — one safe, honest conversation at a time.
Key Takeaway:
Healing from PTSD inside a relationship is possible. With the right tools and support, couples can move from fear to connection — and build emotional safety that lasts.
FAQs: PTSD, Emotions, and Relationships
What is emotional numbing in PTSD?
Emotional numbing is a symptom of PTSD where individuals feel disconnected from their feelings. It’s a defense mechanism that can reduce both positive and negative emotions, often leading to emotional withdrawal in relationships.
Why do people with PTSD fear their emotions?
Because during trauma, intense emotions like fear or helplessness became associated with danger. Later, even normal emotions can feel threatening and trigger avoidance or shutdown.
How can couples communicate better when PTSD is involved?
Start with emotional safety. Use trauma-informed strategies like slowing down, validating each other’s feelings, and using non-blaming language. Consider working with a trauma-informed therapist.
Can PTSD cause relationship problems?
Yes. PTSD can disrupt trust, intimacy, and emotional connection. Symptoms like withdrawal, irritability, or hypervigilance can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
Is couples therapy effective for PTSD?
Yes — especially approaches like CBCT, which treat trauma and relationship dynamics simultaneously. Even short-term interventions can lead to lasting improvements in communication and connection.
What should I do if my partner shuts down during conflict?
Recognize it may be a trauma response. Rather than pushing harder, take a break and revisit the conversation when they feel safer. Encourage co-regulation strategies like grounding exercises.