Published on July 16, 2025 by Zencare Team. Written by Shirley Shani Ben Zvi, LAMFT.
What is a parasocial relationship? Parasocial relationships are one-sided bonds that someone forms with a fictional character, a celebrity or a social-media influencer. In a way, all these are one and the same — after all, as vulnerable and open as a celebrity or an influencer may seem, they only show us a version of themselves, a story of themselves. Just like a story about a fictional character. Parasocial means near-social, not quite social, as they are one-sided. However, they often feel as if they are social. These bonds are controlled by the performer, and not susceptible to mutual development.
Why do we form parasocial relationships? To understand any relationship, we need to remember that the human brain is wired for connections. When we like someone, personally or through their work, we immediately want to be connected to them.
We mostly know the difference between a relationship (mutual) and appreciating someone’s work from afar (not mutual). People who feel lonely or socially unwelcome tend to want to form relationships that are not attainable in real life, which is what Nicole Liebers calls “social surrogacy”. These relationships are one-sided by design, and feel less like rejection and more circumstantial — believing that if you had met, you’d become friends — it’s just you’ve never met. It also feels like you have more control in the relationship — you created the relationship, and therefore you can decide to end it. Let’s dive into the psychology of parasocial relationships, the slippery slope of admiration to entitlement and how to navigate parasocial relationships in a healthy way.
The Psychology Behind Parasocial Relationships
The idea that you could know a celebrity through knowing something about their personal lives was always tempting to fans. What felt like intimate knowledge of celebrities’ lives, like an intimate interview, an exposé, a story told for the first time, has always sold well. The public gave celebrities their status, and in return, the public felt like they were entitled to a good story or a peek into their lives. These personal angles were there to remind us that celebrities are, after all, humans. Like us. Parasocial relationships are, therefore, neither new nor unique to the social media era.
However, social media has made the world simultaneously seem smaller and larger.
Larger, because:
- Suddenly we can see how vast it is.
- Increased perceived access to millions of others.
Smaller, because:
- Increased access to anyone else. We can follow or DM anyone.
- It also made becoming famous, going viral or well-known accessible much easier.
The more celebrities and influencers there are, the more people can form parasocial bonds.
Social media also normalized sharing every aspect of your life on a regular basis. Previously, celebrities might only come online to promote a new album or movie — but now those projects, and what they ate for breakfast, are expected to be shared routinely, especially if they want to stay relevant. This normalization of intimate sharing can make us feel entitled to each other’s private lives.
Social media also removed the middle-person from personal exposure. Before social media, celebrities only shared select parts of their lives through TV, radio and news outlets. Now, they’re expected to have social media platforms to share more of their life. Most of these accounts are run by managers, but they typically remain unknown — further contributing to this illusion of personal connection. The more we see, the more we seem to feel to know them, the more we feel entitled to know them more. This all creates a recipe for a parasocial relationship: a one-sided bond that feels mutual and even intimate, when it is not.
From Admiration to Entitlement: The Slippery Slope
Fans felt entitled to intimacy have always existed. Before social media, the perceived distance between a celebrity and their audience was greater. To achieve acquaintance or even intimacy, physical proximity or direct response (like in the form of a letter) was required. This distance created a clearer boundary between fan and friend, and life’s circumstances protected that boundary since forcing proximity was considered aggressive, and your opinions about someone typically stayed within the circle of your friends and family.
With social media increasing access to others, it has also blurred the boundaries of fan behavior. We now have direct access to verified celebrity social media accounts, their direct messages. Following them might even feel like you’re closer than consuming their media, like an album or movie, or even seeing them in concert. And so boundaries between a mutual relationship and a parasocial one begin to blur as fans are able to leave comments on pictures, respond to stories, and publicize those opinions for the rest of the world to see. And many feel entitled to do so and entitled to a direct response. This is where admiration becomes entitlement.
The Consequences of Entitlement
When a parasocial relationship is formed in a way that blurs the boundaries of awareness to it being one-sided, everyone gets hurt.
- The fan is hurt by the one-sidedness of the relationship. Likely because they haven’t received a desired response, or when their real-life relationships suffer from neglect due to their focus on the parasocial relationship.
- The celebrity is hurt by the harassment, and the subsequent reputation they earn from trying to maintain their privacy.
Boundaries can also blur in real life. One of the most famous cases of fan behavior getting too extreme is when Mark David Chapman murdered John Lennon.
Billie Eilish and Chappell Roan, both singers with large social media followings, have reported harassment and threats that went well beyond direct messages or comments — where fans began stalking them and their families.
Needless to say, everyone suffered: Eilish, Roan, and their families from fear and harassment, and the fans who harassed them suffered both the emotional pain of being rejected and the legal consequences of their actions.
Navigating Parasocial Relationships Healthily
So, are parasocial relationships good or bad? Like any relationship, parasocial relationships are neither good nor bad in and of themselves. It all depends on knowing where the boundaries are and how you navigate them.
There’s a difference between imagination and real life. Liking celebrities is fine. But what crosses the boundary into unhealthy territory is refusing to commit to any relationship in real life because you genuinely believe that you do or will have a relationship with that celebrity or figure.
Okay, how do I make sure I don’t cross the line?
- Focus on real-life mutual relationships.
- Remind yourself that this relationship is one-sided and, as such, less real.
- Remember, there is a difference between a person, their work, and what they show the world. Someone’s talents don't tell us much about who they are. We don’t love THEM. We love their work.
- Pause before you post: Would you write that if you knew they’d never read it, only other fans would? If so, is it helpful?
- Check in – do you think that person owes you a response? If so, you’ve crossed the line between admiration and entitlement.
- Likes or comments directed back to you may not be coming from the person you’re following, but a manager or assistant instead.
- Don’t go to their homes, offices, etc., unless invited.
- Don’t approach their loved ones.
Don’t forget your existing relationships!
Always invest more in mutual relationships. Those will fill and feed your soul and your need for connection. One-sided bonds are fun, but they are not a relationship. It can be exciting to stay up to date on the happenings of your favorite influencer, but they are not your friend. The loneliness that made you invest in one-sided bonds will only amplify through them.
To share a personal story: my favorite actor mentioned in an interview that I use their show in my therapy room. While I will never not be excited about that, and share that clip a few times, I am also well aware that we’ve never met, she would probably not be able to recognize me had our paths crossed, and we’re absolutely not friends.
Conclusion
To sum up, parasocial relationships are natural. They stem from the human need for connection, and in and of themselves, when well-boundaried, can be pleasant. And in this day and age, it’s exceedingly easier to stay connected to people we don’t know, and know so much about them.
However, when they get out of hand and someone starts to feel entitled, they become unhealthy and harmful for everyone involved. Check in with yourself to make sure you don’t cross the line between appreciation and feeling as if you’re in a one-sided relationship, and ask for help if you’re unsure.
Remember to focus on the real relationships in your life! They will meet your physical and emotional needs more fully than a parasocial relationship ever could.