Amanda Pelcher is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York, NY specializing in anxiety, communication issues, couples counseling, and life transitions. Amanda is an integrative therapist, offering a personalized approach to her clients to help them create the changes they desire. She works primarily with high-functioning adult individuals and couples who might feel stuck in their relationships, struggle to take action, and are battling imposter syndrome.
We asked Amanda more about her work with clients and her guiding philosophies on therapy.
Amanda's background and personal life
How did you decide to become a therapist?
I have always found people's stories — and their relationships — fascinating. I entered college undeclared, and stumbled into a Psychology 101 class my freshman year. I was hooked. When it came time to choose my career four years later, my advisor was reading off a list of potential paths and job titles and came across "Marriage and Family Therapist." Until then, I had had no idea that you could specialize in relationships — it was the most natural, straightforward choice after that.
What was your previous work before going into private practice?
Prior to working for a private practice and then going into business for myself, I worked in a couple of inner city clinics in low-income areas. This was deeply rewarding and important work with a high-need population. But, sadly, the support for the therapists was lacking — high caseloads, low pay, overwhelming amounts of paperwork and pressure to meet quotas — that, no surprise, resulted in therapist burnout and high turnover. In the end, I found the pace unsustainable.
Amanda's specialties and therapy philosophies
What guiding principles inform your work?
I believe that there is no cookie-cutter approach to therapy; that the path to meaningful change is personal, and, therefore, therapy must be personal in order for it to be meaningful. For this reason, I have never been a purist when it comes to the therapy techniques I use or schools of thought I subscribe to. I have found working in environments which require therapists to practice exclusively one treatment approach to be very limiting, both to the therapist and to the client. For each client I see, I strive to offer a customized treatment approach and develop a personalized therapeutic relationship.
What clientele do you work with most frequently?
These days, I serve a high-functioning clientele, primarily between 20-60 years old. I love working with this population because I generally find them to be dynamic, intelligent, resourceful, introspective, and frequently grappling with change — whether it's making a change (e.g., getting engaged, married, or starting a family; changing their career paths; starting a business; ending a relationship) or coping with change (life transitions or losses typical of their life stage, e.g., divorce, aging parents, letting go of certain youthful ideals or dreams, adapting to major cultural or political shifts).
Can you tell us more about your specialties in couples therapy and relationship issues?
This population often struggles with communication and connection. I tend to be goal-oriented regardless of the treatment approach (e.g., psychodynamic vs. solutions-focused) because I believe that, when it comes to couples, it is important that the end game is clear and takes both partners' needs and feelings into account.
Can you tell us more about your specialties in anxiety, life stressors, existential fears?
Much of my later career has involved working with anxiety in some capacity (chronic worrying, anxious reactivity, rumination, OCD traits, anxiety attacks) and how to manage it. Since the high-functioning clientele I work with often have demanding jobs, heavy responsibilities, and are held to high standards by themselves and others, it is no surprise that most of them struggle with at least some degree of chronic stress and anxiety. However, in recent years, I am finding more and more of my work revolves around the existential fears that often lie beneath seemingly "garden variety" anxiety. Perhaps this is a product of our times (COVID; terrorism, gun violence, and war; major and often rapidly-occurring shifts in the social, economic, political, cultural landscape) or perhaps it reflects the age bracket I work with (most who are now in their 30s and 40s), but it is a very noticeable trend. For clients grappling with life's big questions and a general sense of feeling "unmoored," I work with them to find their "anchors" (whether it's their values, their "purpose," their loved ones, their zones of control) and to learn to accept Life — and all its unknowns and uncertainties — as it really is, not as we wish it would be.
Can you tell us more about your specialties in self-love, self-acceptance and self-confidence?
Tying into anxiety, life stressors, existential fears: belief in oneself is perhaps the most valuable "anchor" available to a person. Yet, many of my clients experience imposter syndrome, excessive self-doubt, and low self-esteem. These issues may have seemingly benign roots (like perfectionism, ambitions to succeed, and holding themselves to a high standard), but this performance-based sense of self-worth is ultimately self-sabotaging, depriving clients of a healthy sense of their own competency and abilities and making their worth contingent on their success (which can be mercurial over the course of their life).
What do you find most rewarding about your work?
The confidence, excitement, and relief that clients feel when they realize Change is possible and they believe in their own ability to pursue it; or, the confidence and relief that comes from realizing you are capable of navigating a change you didn't ask for (such as a marital infidelity or a death in the family).
Therapy sessions with Amanda
What will our first session together be like? What happens in ongoing sessions?
Our first session is the time when I want to get to know you! I want to know why you're coming, what you're struggling with, and how you would like me to help. I'll ask you about things you've tried in the past to address the issue(s) and whether they helped or not, including previous therapy. I'll ask you about your preferences for therapy — traditional talk therapy, goal-oriented, skills-based, homework, etc. Most importantly, I want to understand your goals and what you would consider to be a successful experience. My style has been described as energetic and warm, and I see no reason why the hard work of therapy necessarily needs to feel like a slog — there tends to be a good deal of laughter in my sessions!
How long do clients typically see you for?
The length of treatment varies greatly depending on the client's goals. For those who are looking for short-term, solutions-focused work, we tend to meet for 3-6 months. But many of my clients espouse a growth mentality and believe that we are always learning and improving, and therefore opt to reset the therapy goals once they've achieved their original goal. These clients tend to see therapy as a form of self-care and choose to make it a regular part of their lives, like a workout routine or continuing education. I have had the privilege of working with some clients for close to 10 years.
Are there any books you often recommend to clients?
Most of the time, I recommend therapy-related books such as Attached (which I find to be an accessible — if somewhat limited — introduction to attachment styles) and Hold Me Tight (which is a deeper dive into attachment theory, providing both insight into how we relate to others and practical guidance for incorporating those insights into improving communication and connection between partners). But I also find novels to be a very valuable resource, such as The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy, in which the protagonist grapples with his own mortality, existential fears, his own denial and the denial of everyone around him.
Do you assign “homework” between sessions?
Yes, I like to assign homework to the clients who want it. I find homework is a great way to bridge individual sessions and create a sense of movement forward, as each session builds on the previous one. However, there is a great deal of variety within the "homework" category: it can be practicing a skill learned in session (like a breathing technique), it could be a reflection exercise based on a key discussion point from that day's session, it could be a reading assignment on a relevant topic. For those clients who like to take a more self-directed role in their therapy, I invite them to self-assign their own homework (because, at the end of the day, the clients are the experts on themselves).
How do you help ensure I'm making progress in therapy?
During the first 1-2 sessions, I work with clients to try to very clearly and concretely define their therapy goals and the steps for achieving them to ensure we're both on the same page about what we consider to be the desired trajectory. I then provide regular check-ins every few sessions so we can discuss how therapy is going and whether we need to make any adjustments to our work. I also make it clear from the beginning that therapy is a collaborative process, and that their feedback is always welcome regardless of whether I am conducting an official "pulse check" on therapy or asking for their input at a given moment.
How do I know that it’s time to start seeking therapy?
When you feel stuck. When you feel overwhelmed. When you know it could be better. When you don't want to do it alone.
How can I prepare for our first session?
Just be yourself. Know that I will ask you about yourself and what you want from therapy, but understand that it is okay if you can't answer all my questions: an honest "I don't know" is a real answer. I am an avid note-taker, and I welcome any clients who like to take notes to do the same :)
How will I know it’s time to end my time in therapy with you or reduce session frequency?
Again, that depends on the client's therapy goal and their conception of therapy (e.g., is it a time-limited treatment of symptoms or a lifelong process of personal growth and self-knowledge). But regardless of the goals or function of therapy, the frequency with which we meet or the role therapy is currently serving in your life is an ongoing, collaborative conversation between us.
Why should I seek therapy, rather than turning to my partner, friends, or other loved ones?
By all means, do both! A personal network is a vital resource of support from people who intimately know you and care about you. Therapy, too, involves the discussion of intimate details, fears, or feelings, but the therapist's natural exclusion from your day-to-day life and social circle can provide a more objective perspective, and HIPPA protects your confidentiality and privacy in a way your friends and family may not. The therapist's education and clinical experience also allows them to offer you expertise and insight into your situation which others without that depth of training cannot.
What advice would you share with therapy seekers?
Try it, even if you're on the fence. Many people don't seek therapy because their understanding of what therapy can be is limited by media portrayals, others' opinions, or their own past experiences in therapy. But therapists — and therapy — can be as varied as the colors of the rainbow. If you've taken the initiative and shown the courage to seek out a therapist and the first one you find isn't a good fit, don't get discouraged! Keep "therapist shopping" until you find the right one for you — it will be worth it.
Studies have shown that the #1 predictor of success in therapy is the therapeutic relationship: If we can't feel heard, accepted, or comfortable with our therapist, we won't fully open up to them or be able to engage 100% in therapy. The clients who tend to see me as a good fit for them like my energetic, warm, and humorous style, and my active and interactive approach to therapy.
Visit Amanda's profile to watch her introductory video, read more about her, and book an initial call!