How To Get Over Someone: 7 Tips To Really Move On

"Time heals all wounds," or at least so the saying goes. But when you're grappling with a breakup – a gut-wrenching, life-altering moment – it doesn’t always feel like time is on your side. You might be tossing around terms like "broken heart," "grief," and even "loss of identity," as you struggle to comprehend how to move forward. The heaviness in your chest and the constant swirl of emotions can feel overwhelming, making you wonder if you'll ever feel whole again or if this pain will ever subside. Most importantly, two questions might haunt you in those early, sleepless nights:

How long will it take to get over this breakup?

We’ve all been there – deep in the dumper- and dumpee-trenches alike. To help you move on from the misery, we asked Mary Breen, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in New York City, to share tips for healthily coping with a breakup. Here are suggestions for how to get over someone:

1. Acknowledge the Grieving Process

Breakups are inherently painful because they're a form of loss. You may not have experienced a death, but you are grieving the end of a significant romantic relationship, and your feelings of sadness, frustration, or even anger are valid. Much like the loss of a loved one, healing from a breakup involves moving through stages of grief, from denial to acceptance.

It’s crucial to recognize that your timeline for healing won’t look the same as anyone else’s. Some might move on in a few months, while others may need a year or more. There is no definitive time frame, and that’s okay. What’s important is to allow yourself space to feel the pain rather than bottling it up. Doing so will give you the emotional release necessary to move forward.

It’s also important to recognize that healing is not a linear process. There will be times when you feel okay and you had a couple of good days when the sadness creeps back in, seemingly out of nowhere. This is normal and part of the emotional rollercoaster of healing. You might even experience a range of emotions like anger, sadness, confusion, and relief, sometimes all in one day.

And while this sounds daunting, know that you're not alone. Many others have walked through this pain and come out stronger on the other side. Just remember: You will not feel like this forever. As time passes, the rawness of your emotions will lessen, and through deliberate self-compassion and actionable steps, you'll eventually heal.

2. Rebuild Your Routine and Find Your "New Normal"

When you're going through a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, it can feel like your world has been turned upside down. Suddenly, you're navigating life without that person – no more good morning texts, shared plans, or future dreams tied to them. It’s easy to feel lost and experience feelings of sadness or unrequited love.

But here's the truth: a great way to begin healing is to establish a new sense of routine. By reconditioning yourself to live in the world without your former partner, you gradually adjust to your new reality.

Start with small, non-negotiable tasks. Even on your hardest days, pick a few key responsibilities that you will stick to no matter what. These tasks can include:

By committing to these basics, you're taking small steps toward normalcy. Over time, consider incorporating activities that bring you joy or help distract from the constant reminders of your ex – like meeting friends for dinner, trying an exercise class, or engaging in hobbies you once loved but may have neglected during the relationship. New hobbies, like picking up a creative activity or a fitness routine, can provide a fresh start, helping you develop new memories separate from your past relationship.

This strategy is a variation of a type of evidence-based treatment commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy for depression called “Behavioral Activation.” In essence, you fake it until you become it.

It’s important to set boundaries as you rebuild your life. Mutual friends may invite you to events where your ex is present. In those cases, don’t feel guilty if you decline. Part of healing is putting yourself first, and that means deciding what environments are emotionally safe for you. You might also want to block or mute your ex on social media, which can help reduce the temptation to check their posts or status updates. This is key in maintaining your emotional health and helping you move forward more quickly.

This gradual shift not only helps to distract your mind, but it also builds a new version of you, where your identity isn’t tied to your ex. Reclaiming these parts of your life can give you a sense of empowerment and momentum. In fact, this phase of personal growth is one of the silver linings of going through a breakup: you rediscover yourself and what makes you happy independent of anyone else.

3. Set Aside Time to Process Your Emotions

While staying busy and rebuilding a routine is essential, it's equally important to set aside intentional time to grieve. You don't want to bury your emotions entirely, as this can lead to unresolved feelings that resurface later. The key is finding balance in your grieving process – allowing space for healing while still engaging in the world around you.

Create a specific time during the day or week to reflect on the end of a relationship. During this time, let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotions – whether it's sadness, anger, or even relief. Cry, write in a journal, or talk to a trusted friend. Acknowledging and processing your feelings will prevent them from festering, and you’ll eventually find that over time, this emotional release becomes less compelling.

Adding a physical component to this designated grieving time can also be highly beneficial. Consider activities like walking, running, or even creating a playlist of songs that help you release pent-up emotions. Journaling or exercising while listening to emotionally charged music can help you process feelings in a healthy way, providing a powerful outlet for your emotions. Engaging in these activities regularly helps you move forward and builds a sense of emotional regulation and inner peace.

If you find yourself ruminating over the past relationship, try to channel those thoughts into something constructive. Start a new hobby, pick up an old interest, or invest time in something that makes you feel fulfilled. Spending time with a trusted friend or group of people who understand your situation can also help shift your perspective. A support network, be it friends, family, or a therapist, plays a critical role in keeping you grounded and encouraging your healing process.

4. Use Mindful Coping Techniques

Breakups can be incredibly stressful on both the body and mind. One powerful coping tool is using breathwork and mindfulness practices to help ground you when you're feeling overwhelmed. A simple yet effective breathing exercise is to combine slow, deep breaths with affirmations and statements of gratitude..

Here’s a method you can try:

  1. Lie down comfortably and place one hand on your belly and another on your heart.
  2. As you inhale, silently say to yourself: “I receive love.”
  3. As you exhale, say: “I am whole.”
  4. Repeat this for 12 minutes, allowing yourself to connect deeply with each breath.

After completing this breathing exercise, take a moment to reflect on one or two things you’re grateful for – whether it’s the support of a friend or the fact that you made it through the day. Gratitude, even in small doses, is a scientifically proven method for alleviating emotional pain and shifting perspective.

Another useful coping mechanism is to write a list of good things that you're grateful for. Whether it's having a support system in place, a friend group that cares for you, or simply finding comfort in small activities like enjoying your favorite food or binge-watching a comforting show, practicing gratitude can help shift your focus from your loss to the positive aspects of your life.

5. Embrace All of Your Strong Emotions – They Are Part of Growth

Breakups often stir up a wide range of emotions, some of which may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable. However, it's important to remember that no emotions are inherently bad. Feelings like sadness, anger, confusion, and regret all serve a purpose – they provide information about your internal state and help you process your experiences.

When you resist emotions, you only intensify them. Instead, practice acceptance. Visualize yourself as a strong tree rooted in the earth. Just as a tree bends in the wind but remains firmly planted, you too can endure emotional turbulence without losing your sense of self. This mindset can help you weather the emotional storm while staying grounded in your values and sense of identity.

By accepting your negative emotions without judgment, you empower yourself to process them fully, which ultimately leads to growth and strength. When you're not operating from a place of emotional reactivity, you have greater clarity about the situation, which can help you make more thoughtful decisions about how to respond to challenging emotions.

6. Don't Throw Away Every Reminder of Your Ex

It can be tempting to purge your life of every reminder of your ex, but this isn't always the healthiest approach. While it's a good idea to mute them on social media to avoid seeing constant updates of their life, you don’t have to erase every memory completely or delete all old texts.

Instead, gather sentimental items that remind you of the relationship – whether it’s old letters, photos, or mementos – and place them in a box. Seal the box and either hide it away or ask a friend to hold onto it for a while. This simple act of putting things away can create space for healing while also preserving memories for when you're ready to revisit them with a more balanced perspective.

In the future, when enough time has passed and you’ve fully healed, these items may no longer evoke pain. Instead, they might represent a meaningful chapter of your life that helped shape you into the person you are today. This is part of finding closure and moving on in a healthy way.

7. Know When to Seek Professional Help

Though separations are tough, they shouldn’t debilitate you for an extended period. Over time, you should begin to feel a gradual shift toward acceptance and healing. However, if you find that weeks or months are passing and you still feel stuck, it might be a perfect time to seek professional support.

Therapy can be an invaluable tool during this time, especially if:

There’s no shame in seeking help. In fact, reaching out to a therapist or counselor is an empowering first step toward reclaiming your emotional well-being. It’s a brave acknowledgment that you’re ready to prioritize yourself and your health.

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Hope

While breakups are undeniably difficult, they can also serve as catalysts for personal growth and self-discovery. By acknowledging your emotions, rebuilding your routine, and seeking support when needed, you can move through the grieving process in a way that ultimately empowers you. Lean on your support network of friends, family members, and possibly a therapist to navigate through this painful but transformative time.

Though healing takes time, it's important to remind yourself that you won’t feel this way forever. There are brighter days ahead, and with the right strategies in place, you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel and find that moving on isn’t just possible – it’s inevitable.

Take your first step today: Whether it's reaching out to a trusted friend, starting a new hobby, or even exploring therapy through platforms like Zencare, the future is yours to reclaim.