11 Things To Talk About In Therapy When You Don’t Have Anything In Mind
Published on August 21, 2024 by Zencare Team. Clinincally reviewed and contributed to by Dr. Kristin Schaefer Schiumo, PhD.
It’s a common scenario: you’re sitting in the waiting room (physical or virtual) for your therapy session, and suddenly you realize you don’t know what to talk about. You’ve had a good week, nothing major has happened, and you feel like you have nothing to discuss. This feeling can be unsettling and might even make you question whether you should continue therapy. However, showing up for your therapy sessions, even when you feel like you have nothing to say, is still productive for your ongoing mental health journey.
Understanding the feeling of having nothing to discuss
Feeling like you have nothing to talk about in therapy can stem from various reasons. You might be experiencing a period of stability, where things are going relatively well, and you don’t have immediate concerns. Alternatively, you might feel uncertain about what’s significant enough to discuss, or you could be subconsciously avoiding deeper issues. These circumstances may express themselves through thoughts such as “I have no crisis here, no fires to put out, nothing left to do here.” When this happens it’s important to recognize that these thoughts are normal and that your therapist is there to help you navigate these moments.
One of the simplest ways to find something to talk about is to reflect on your recent experiences and emotions since your last session. Think about the past week or two and consider any minor events, interactions, or feelings that stood out to you. Even small wins, like completing a task you’ve been procrastinating on, or minor challenges, like feeling slightly anxious before a meeting, can be valuable topics.
Discussing these seemingly trivial matters can often lead to deeper conversations. For example, talking about a minor argument with a friend might uncover underlying patterns in your relationships or communication style. Likewise, experiencing a small win, such as staying calm in a stressful situation, might lead to a discussion of how to continue stacking positive, helpful habits. Remember, no topic is too small for therapy, and your therapist can help you explore and understand the significance of these everyday experiences.
However, if you’re still feeling stuck, below are some questions you can begin to ask yourself if you need some help sparking reflection about what you want to talk about in therapy.
11 Questions to ask yourself to spark reflection
1. How have I been feeling emotionally over the past week?
Reflect on any recurring feelings or emotions that have surfaced, whether positive or difficult. Have you noticed feeling more down than usual the past few days, or increasingly stressed at work? Notice if you have had fewer panic attacks or feelings of anxiety as well, have you been seeing an uptick in more positive emotions or experiences in the past week?
Take a moment to assess your emotional landscape. Consider the intensity and frequency of these emotions. Reflecting on your emotional state can reveal underlying issues or highlight areas of progress. Even if you’ve felt neutral or content, exploring these emotions in therapy can help you understand what’s contributing to your current state and how to maintain or improve it.
“In my work with clients, there have been many occasions when someone might become quiet and might even say, ‘I don’t know, nothing happened this week…it’s been quiet.’ At those moments I slow down, take a pause, and reinforce the quiet. I might say something like, ‘That’s great, quiet can be good. It’s important to take the time and notice the peace.’ This usually elicits positive responses, where a client might smile, say ‘that’s so true, you’re right.’ At that point I often ask a client to focus on what they did that week to contribute to the ‘quiet,’ whether thinking about something in a different way, regulating anxiety or responding to stress differently, or responding to others differently. All in all, this usually shifts the focus of the session to what went right this week, an overall positive and validating experience for clients.” — Dr. Kristin Schaefer Schiumo, PhD.
2. Have there been any significant changes in my life recently?
Life changes, whether big or small, can have a profound impact on your mental health. Think about recent shifts in your job, living situation, relationships, or health. Even positive changes, like starting a new job or moving to a better home, can bring stress and adjustments that are worth discussing in therapy. Negative or challenging changes, such as a breakup, loss, or health scare, are also crucial topics that can benefit from exploration with your therapist.
3. What are some small wins or achievements I've had lately?
Celebrating small victories is essential for building self-esteem and maintaining motivation. Reflect on recent achievements, such as completing a project, sticking to a new habit, or handling a difficult situation with more grace than usual. Discussing these wins in therapy can help reinforce positive behaviors and strategies, and it also gives your therapist insight into what’s working well for you.
4. Have I experienced any challenges or stressors recently?
Challenges and stressors, no matter how minor, can accumulate and affect your mental well-being. Consider any obstacles you've faced at work, in your personal life, or in your relationships. Reflecting on how you’ve dealt with these stressors can provide insight into your coping mechanisms and areas where you might need additional support or new strategies.
5. Are there any recurring thoughts or patterns that I’ve noticed?
Recurring thoughts or behavioral patterns can be significant indicators of underlying issues. Pay attention to any thoughts that keep coming up, such as self-doubt, worry, or resentment. Similarly, notice any behaviors you keep repeating, like avoiding certain tasks or people. Discussing these patterns in therapy can help uncover their root causes and guide you toward breaking unhelpful cycles.
“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” — Seneca.
6. What are my long-term goals and aspirations?
Long-term goals and dreams can provide direction and purpose in life. Reflect on what you want to achieve in the future, whether it’s related to your career, relationships, personal growth, or hobbies. Discussing these goals with your therapist can help you clarify your path, identify potential obstacles, and develop a plan to move forward. It’s also an opportunity to explore whether your goals align with your values and passions.
Therapy isn’t just about addressing immediate issues; it’s also a space to plan for the future and work towards your dreams. Consider discussing your career goals, personal ambitions, or even dreams that seem far-fetched. Talking about these aspirations can provide valuable insights into your motivations, fears, and potential obstacles.
“Looking at what is right with people focuses on when people are at their best, and attends to individual (and group) flourishing.” — Biswas-Diener
7. Is there anything from my past that I’ve been thinking about more frequently?
The past often influences our present thoughts and behaviors. Consider if there are any past events, decisions, or relationships that have been on your mind lately. These could be unresolved issues, old wounds, or significant life events that you haven’t fully processed. Bringing these up in therapy can help you understand their ongoing impact and work towards healing or gaining closure.
Revisiting past discussions can also be incredibly beneficial. Reflect on the progress you’ve made on issues you’ve previously talked about. Consider any lingering thoughts or feelings related to these topics. This reflection can help you identify areas where you’ve grown and areas that might need more attention.
Revisiting past topics also allows you to celebrate your progress and acknowledge the hard work you’ve put into your mental health journey. It’s a way to reinforce the positive changes you’ve made and address any remaining challenges.
8. How do I feel about my current relationships?
Relationships play a crucial role in our mental health and well-being. Reflect on your interactions with family, friends, coworkers, or a romantic partner. Are these relationships supportive and fulfilling, or are there conflicts, misunderstandings, or unmet needs? Discussing your relationships in therapy can help you improve communication, set boundaries, and build healthier connections.
9. What self-improvement or personal growth areas am I interested in?
Personal growth is a lifelong journey, and therapy is an excellent place to explore areas where you’d like to improve. Consider aspects of yourself or your life that you’d like to develop, such as increasing self-confidence, improving time management, or learning to be more assertive. Therapy can help you set realistic goals, create a plan, and provide support as you work toward becoming the person you want to be.
“When working with clients, I am committed to collaboratively developing goals, a plan and related skill development that is meaningful and realistic to the individual. When discussing emotional regulation, I might mention the tools of meditation or reading, as an example. However, I am also consistent in saying that these tools are helpful to many, but may not connect with you. Let’s discuss this together so we can develop goals and related plans that work for you versus those that just sound good.” — Dr. Kristin Schaefer Schiumo, PhD.
10. Are there any general concerns or questions I have about my mental health?
Sometimes, we have general mental health concerns or questions that don’t seem significant enough to bring up in therapy. However, these concerns are important and worth discussing. If you’ve been wondering about something related to mental health, self-care, or personal development, bring it up with your therapist.
For example, you might have questions about managing stress, improving sleep, or building better habits. Therapists are equipped to provide insights and strategies on a wide range of topics. Addressing these general concerns can enhance your overall well-being and equip you with valuable tools for everyday life.
11. Do you have any questions about the therapy process itself?
Your therapy sessions are a safe space to discuss anything, including the therapy process itself. If you feel stuck or unsure about the direction of your therapy, bring it up with your therapist. This is a great communication exercise as well. If you’re struggling with talking in sessions, let your therapist know! From there you can both come up with solutions. You can also talk about what you feel is working well and what else might need adjustment. Discussing your feelings about the therapeutic relationship can also be valuable.
A strong therapeutic relationship is crucial for effective therapy. By discussing your thoughts and feelings about the process, you can work with your therapist to make any necessary changes and ensure that your sessions remain productive and beneficial.
These questions can help guide self-reflection and uncover topics that might be valuable to discuss in therapy.
Conclusion
Feeling like you have nothing to discuss in therapy is a common and normal experience. It’s important to remember that therapy is not just about addressing immediate crises but also about ongoing self-exploration and growth. By reflecting on recent experiences, exploring long-term goals, revisiting past topics, discussing the therapy process, and delving into identity and general concerns, you can find valuable topics to discuss even when you feel stuck.
Persisting with therapy during these moments can lead to significant insights and personal growth. Remember, your therapist is there to guide you through these periods and help you make the most of your sessions.
If you’re feeling stuck in your therapy journey, consider bringing this up with your therapist, or looking for a new therapist who may be a better fit. Use Zencare's therapist directory and various filters to find the right therapist for your therapy journey and goals.
References
- Schaffner, A. K. (2021). The art of self-improvement: Ten timeless truths. Yale.
- Biswas-Diener, R. (2010). Practicing positive psychology coaching: Assessment, activities, and strategies for Success. Wiley.