7 Steps To Take If Your Partner Is Experiencing Depression

Seeing your loved one struggle with depression is not easy – and can, oftentimes, make you feel helpless. While you can't singlehandedly help your partner get better, you can be there as a source of strength, positivity, and encouragement.

Here's how + where to start if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife needs professional help for depression:

1. Open a compassionate dialogue about your concerns

The first step is to talk to your partner and let them know your concerns. Express to them what it is that you are seeing in their behavior that leads you to thinks they're feeling depressed.

Be open and honest as well as understanding – and remember that they may not see their own symptoms as clearly as you do.

Be as gentle and compassionate as you can be, and try to use "I" statements so as to avoid seeming interventional.

Try a variation on the following line:

“I love you so much; you know that mean the world to me. I'm concerned that everything is not 100% okay – is there something we can talk about?"

Be patient, and don't push for answers! For many, there's a stigma regarding mental health – as well as a feeling of “that would never happen to me” or “I’m weak if I admit I'm depressed.”

Remember that breaking through that stigma takes time; your partner might not open up immediately, but knowing that you're aware, and there to talk, can be a big relief in itself.

2. Learn about different treatment options for depression

One of the last things anyone is even able to do when they're struggling with depression is face the seemingly insurmountable task of getting treatment.

Here's where you can really help: By figuring out different treatment options for depression. Below are a few to get you started.

Talk therapy for depression

Most therapists are equipped to treat depression, but their approaches will differ. Common options include:

There are also alternative approaches, such as:

If stigma is a barrier, look for a therapist your partner can see online in the comfort and privacy of their own home.

Medication for depression

For some, medication helps alleviate the symptoms of depression.

If the depression is caused by genetics or a chemical imbalance in the brain, then medication may be enough to help your loved one live symptom free.

Medication combined with talk therapy for depression

If your partner's depression is caused by a traumatic or life event then the combination of medication and talk therapy can assist your loved one in dealing with depression.

Studies have found, for example, that using medication in conjunction with talk therapy actually has a greater success rate that medication alone [1].

3. Offer to schedule appointments with providers

Once you have a clear understanding of treatment options and your partner is open to getting help, offer to do the legwork for them.

You can:

Contact your partner's primary care provider for a referral
Look for a therapist directly on a platform such as Zencare
Create a list of providers for them to consider

Removing this burden allows them to focus exclusively on their mental health, making a world of difference in their overall treatment experience.

4. Continue to be supportive throughout their journey

One of the best things you can do for your partner is to just be there.

No matter where they are in their treatment plan – whether they haven't admitted they need help, or have been seeing a therapist for a few sessions already – you can be a source of encouragement. Stay connected with questions and statements like "What can I do to help?"and "I'm here for you – we'll get through this together."

For more ideas, here are ways to be supportive for your partner when they have depression.

Be patient with your partner, and encourage the small victories along the way. And remember to take care of yourself throughout the journey, too – it can be emotionally exhausting to channel unconditional support towards someone you love!

5. Plan healthy, enjoyable activities – and encourage your partner to join

Studies have revealed the benefits of getting enough sleep, performing routine exercise, and maintaining a well-balanced diet in managing depression.

Of course, all that sounds simple, but when depression seeps in, your partner may not exactly be able to incentivize themselves to get out of bed, let alone cook a healthy meal. That's where you can step in as a force of positive action.

Invite your partner to engage in healthy activities you know they do love, such as going for a bike ride, taking a walk around the block, attending yoga class, or even just watering the plants. Or consider taking up a physical hobby that's new to both of you, like rock climbing or a dance class.

Don't be offended if, some days, your partner just isn't up to it. Yes, you should keep trying, but take care not to push too much if they're just not ready to join you.

6. Work together to come up with an action plan for especially bad days

Particularly when you're depressed, it's not always easy to say something like "Hey, can I share something really difficult with you?"

So when your partner is having a good day, sit down and talk about what you can do when they're really going through a rough patch.

That could look like:

Giving them space and giving yourself full permission to accept that their mood has nothing to do with you
Encouraging them to get out of the house, even if they have zero desire whatsoever at the time
Using a safe word that indicates you should stop what you're doing to give them your full attention (especially your partner has trouble directly asking for help)

This can be especially helpful if you have no clue how to help, but are eager to do so. Sometimes, just asking can be the start to a productive, mutually beneficial conversation.

7. Consistently prioritize your own self-care, too!

Self care is one of the most important things that a person can do to stay healthy and strong for those around you.

Take care of yourself by:

Stepping away for a moment if a conversation with your partner gets too emotionally difficult.
Continuing to connect with friends, and attend your commitments or hobbies.
Getting enough sleep and exercise, even on the days your partner isn't able to.
Give yourself 10-30 totally free and unapologetic minutes a day to clear your mind and recharge, whether that's through meditation, prayer, breathing exercises, or journaling.
Consider reaching out to a therapist, so you can handle whatever issues are on your plate while continuing to show up for your partner.

With the right treatment and support, your partner and your relationship can be healthy. And remember that, even if it doesn't always feel like it – and your partner isn't able to show it – if you continue to show up, listen compassionately, and make a conscious effort to understand, you are helping.