Overcoming Relationship Anxiety: Signs, Causes, and Tips

Published September 26, 2024 by Zencare Team and Lavender Psychiatry

Relationship anxiety is something many people face, whether they’re in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship or have been with their partner for years. It can create persistent feelings of doubt and fear that can lead to mental and emotional distress. Sometimes, these anxious thoughts can be confused with gut feelings, which are typically instinctive and grounded in reality. On the other hand, relationship anxiety can come from personal insecurities or unresolved issues, clouding your judgment and making it hard to distinguish between real concerns and imagined ones. Below, we’ll explore the complexities of relationship anxiety and offer practical advice to communicate and build trust with your partner. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel nervous or uneasy in your close relationships, know that you’re not alone. Relationship anxiety is an incredibly common experience, and understanding it is the first step to managing it.

Understanding Relationship Anxiety

To start, let’s distinguish between relationship anxiety and gut feelings. While a gut feeling is often a strong, instinctual sense that something isn’t right in a relationship, anxiety is more pervasive and can stem from past traumas, low self-esteem, or even the fear of vulnerability.

“With relationship anxiety, sometimes your mind can spin stories that don’t quite reflect reality. For example, you might experience anxiety in relationships and start to question your partner’s love or commitment, but know that you're not alone in feeling this way. By working through these anxious thoughts, you can create a healthier relationship with yourself and your partner, easing the doubts or constant need for reassurance. With time, you can learn to quiet the worries and truly enjoy the special moments together, empowering both yourself and your relationship.” — Lindsay Morrison, MSN, PMHNP-BC, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, Lavender  

Signs of Relationship Anxiety

Common triggers for relationship anxiety can include negative past experiences, a lack of affection in childhood, personal insecurities, or other early experiences. Everyday situations, like asking someone out, moving in with a partner, or discussing long-term commitments, can easily spark these feelings of anxiety. Some common signs of relationship anxiety include:

• Needing constant reassurance
• Fear of abandonment
• Jealousy
• Difficulty expressing your needs.

These symptoms can manifest physically (like feeling tense or restless), mentally (constant overthinking or excessive worry), or behaviorally (sabotaging the relationship or avoiding serious conversations). However, with self-awareness and practical coping strategies, it’s possible to manage relationship anxiety and foster healthier, more secure connections

Practical Tips for Managing Relationship Anxiety

By learning to recognize and address the root cause of relationship anxiety, you can create healthier patterns in your relationship. Here are some practical tips and coping mechanisms that can help ease relationship anxiety:

Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Anxiety can pull you into “what-if” scenarios, making it hard to stay grounded in the present. Simple mindfulness practices like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or focusing on your surroundings can help bring you back to the moment.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: Practice challenging negative thoughts by asking yourself if there’s enough evidence to support them. For instance, if you find yourself thinking, “My partner is going to leave me,” take a moment to evaluate whether their actions truly support that fear.

Limit Reassurance-Seeking Behavior: Constantly needing validation from your partner can become overwhelming for both of you. Instead of asking for reassurance in every moment of doubt, try to reassure yourself.

Address Non-Relationship Stressors: Take a moment to assess whether external stressors are contributing to your anxious feelings. If so, addressing those issues directly can help alleviate relationship-related anxiety.

Create Relationship Rituals: Developing shared rituals can help foster a sense of security and togetherness. Whether it’s a weekly date night or texting each other good morning, these actions can create structure and a deeper emotional connection.

By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can reduce the impact of relationship anxiety and build a healthier, more fulfilling connection with your partner.

Simple Ways to Build Trust and Communicate With Your Partner

Trust and communication are important building blocks of a healthy relationship. Without them, feelings of insecurity can creep in. Trust creates a sense of safety and appreciation for both partners, while open communication nurtures mutual understanding and respect. When relationship anxiety comes around, it can affect both trust and communication, which is why it's important to take small steps to reinforce these elements. Let’s explore some ways to build trust and communication in your relationship.

Practice Open and Honest Communication

Open and honest communication is key in any relationship, but it’s even more important when dealing with feelings of anxiety. Start by expressing your feelings openly, but do so in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re accusing your partner of something. Using “I” statements can help, like saying, “I feel disconnected and unappreciated when you have your phone out on date nights,” which is a much more gentle and communicative phrase than saying, “Stop using your phone when we’re having a date.” This approach can help create a safe relationship where your partner won’t feel like they’re being judged or blamed, which will encourage them to respond in a more understanding way.

“Building a strong relationship is about being open and honest with each other. Talking openly reduces anxiety by fostering a sense of security and understanding between partners. It not only creates a safe space where both partners feel heard, valued, and secure, but it also helps to build trust. Trust and open communication also help build the foundation for emotional safety in a relationship. When partners openly communicate their needs, expectations, and concerns, it reduces the misunderstandings that can fuel anxiety and cause conflicts in their relationships. Be kind to yourself, and practice open dialogue and trust.” — Lobelys Anicet, MSN, PMHNP-BC, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, Lavender  

Engage in Active Listening

Active listening is another way to build stronger relationships. When your partner shares their thoughts or feelings, try to reflect on what they’re saying and ask questions to understand their perspective. You can also show them that their feelings matter through small gestures, such as maintaining eye contact or holding their hand if they’re struggling to express themselves. Actively listening to your partner’s reaction and feelings can strengthen trust and even make resolving conflicts less stressful in the future.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries help both partners feel supported and safe in the relationship. When each partner establishes their own boundaries, they’re communicating what they’re comfortable with and how they want to be treated. This creates a space where each person’s emotional needs can be openly shared and respected, which not only helps prevent misunderstandings but also creates a sense of security. Express your needs calmly and be open to listening to your partner’s needs as well. Remember, effective communication is key when setting boundaries. As you work together to maintain these boundaries, you’ll build a stronger connection and allow the relationship to grow. Both you and your partner will feel valued through your support of one another.

“Past negative experiences may make it difficult to trust your partner or express your needs with relationship anxiety. Don’t be afraid to ask your needs to be met or set boundaries. It might feel scary at first, but taking that step can make a huge difference. The stories we tell ourselves about our relationships can be powerful. Sometimes, fear can hold us back from taking risks, but it’s important to remember that reality is often different from what we imagine. By facing your fears and being open, you can overcome challenges and build healthier relationships.” — Lisandra Ramirez, MSN, PMHNP-BC, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, Lavender

Be Consistent and Reliable

When you keep your promises, arrive on time, and remain consistent with your commitments, you demonstrate to your partner that they can depend on you. This helps to build trust, security, and safety in a relationship. Trust is built gradually through consistent efforts and actions, and sometimes this means that fully trusting someone can take longer than expected. While building trust, it’s important to remember that actions are sometimes more important than words. Showing you care is usually more valued than simply saying you care. And over time, each positive action will strengthen your connection and reinforce your appreciation for each other.

Develop Self-Awareness and Boost Confidence

Developing self-awareness helps you recognize where your feelings of insecurity are coming from, making it easier to manage relationship anxiety. This might involve noticing patterns in your thoughts or behaviors, such as assuming the worst-case scenario, and learning how to challenge those negative emotions. Practicing self-care outside the relationship is equally important—whether it’s spending time with your own set of friends, working on personal development, or engaging in activities you love doing, having a life that fulfills you outside of your relationship can make you feel more secure and less reliant to seek constant reassurance from your partner.

Seek Professional Relationship Anxiety Support

If relationship anxiety still feels like it’s causing a hindrance in your relationship, talking to a therapist or psychiatric nurse practitioner can help. A mental health professional can help you understand the underlying causes of your anxiety and guide you in building stronger, healthier connections. Zencare makes it easy to find mental health professionals, ​​like Lavender Psychiatry, in your area.

Navigating relationship anxiety can be overwhelming, but with the right tools and support, your relationship can thrive. Understanding anxiety, building trust, and improving communication skills can help you and your partner create a deeper connection and feel more secure. With patience and effort, you can overcome challenges and build a loving, supportive partnership where both of you feel heard, valued, and loved.