Why Men Are the Loneliest They've Ever Been (And Still Won't Talk About It)

by Zencare Team

Published on June 24, 2025 by Zencare Team. Written by David Rothman, LCSW.

We live in an era of digital connectivity and interconnectedness; communication has never been easier as we have the option to send texts, start video calls, or traditional phone calls through our smartphones, tablets, and computers. We’re able to instantly communicate with anybody in our network regardless of their location.

Despite all this digital connectivity, many people, especially men, report suffering from loneliness and isolation more than ever before. In fact, research suggests this may be why men are the loneliest they've ever been. For men in particular, the decline in reported connectedness to other people and increase in loneliness has been more pronounced than with women. There’s been alarming research coming out in recent years that underscore this trend.

I theorize that the causes of male loneliness are multifaceted and complex. In my private practice, I am often struck by how young men, particularly Gen Z men, are still socialized to believe that they have to be “stoic and unemotional”, or that “anger is how you show strength”. So when these men come into my office with symptoms involving anxiety, trauma, indecisiveness, lack of motivation and depression, it’s often coupled with strong shame emotions because “men aren’t supposed to feel this way”.

If men deem these emotions to be unacceptable internally, that makes them even less likely to open up to their friends or family about what they’re struggling with, because they find it shameful and/or embarrassing to have those struggles to begin with.

There are many studies that show a concerning trend among men: they’re becoming increasingly isolated, report having fewer overall friends, report having fewer close friends than previous generations and as a result, are experiencing higher rates of emotional distress.  

These factors can all contribute to more emotional distress for men.

Societal Expectations and Masculine Norms

When I was more inexperienced in private practice, I was taken aback by how many of my young male clients espoused “old fashioned” Western values like:

  • Men aren’t supposed to show weakness/men shouldn’t be vulnerable
  • Men aren’t supposed to feel afraid, anxious, or sad
  • Men should be stoic
  • Women are “more emotional” than men
  • Men are supposed to earn more money than women

To this day, I frequently hear these or similar sentiments from male clients, and some female clients, of all ages and generations.These gender norms can cause distress in clients, either because they feel that they are “failing” to fit the definition of “traditional masculinity” or experiencing confusion because of a values conflict between their personal values and external values, like societal gender norms, family of origin, or religion.

Parental Roles and Gender Norms

In my experience as a therapist, the reasons for loneliness among my male clients are usually complex. For many men, either one or both parents didn’t model healthy emotional expression. If at least one parent was described as “emotionally available”, more often than not, it was the client’s mother. So, many men grow up without a male role model that teaches them healthy emotional expression, communication, or regulation.

These internalized values about gender norms can lead to rules that are either consciously and subconsciously carried by men, for example, “I can’t show weakness”, “I’m not supposed to feel anxious or scared”. This can lead men to believe that they are weak, or otherwise feel something is “wrong” with them because they’re experiencing difficult, but normal, emotions.

Acceptable Emotional Expression

We know through decades of research that men and women experience the same array and depth of emotions, it’s just that generally speaking, it’s more socially acceptable for women to express the full range of emotions, whereas men are constricted to a narrow range of acceptable negative emotions, like anger and frustration.

I often ask my male clients why we often default to anger instead of expressing anxiety, stress, fear, or sadness. Anger, I believe, is a mobilizing emotion that makes one feel strong and in control, which is very much in line with what is considered an “acceptable” emotion for a man to display. Too many men, therefore, turn to emotional suppression if they deem certain emotions to be unacceptable on some level. Research also shows that emotional suppression can be harmful for our mental health and long-term health outcomes. This could be why men are more likely to turn to alcohol and/or drug use to regulate emotions or why men have a higher suicide rate than women.

Political Ideology and Values

I also believe that political discourse — particularly around gender and gender roles — has contributed to feelings of alienation and disconnection for many men. Men raised with traditional gender norms may feel "turned off" by certain rhetoric that seems to suggest traditional male and female roles should be abolished entirely. This can lead to a sense that their identity as men is under attack or devalued.

When mainstream progressive movements don’t offer a clear or inclusive definition of masculinity, some men turn to conservative-aligned communities. Not because they are inherently aligned with those values, but because those spaces offer a definition of masculinity, however retrograde. Unfortunately, too many of these communities often promote regressive ideas about gender roles and actively promote anger towards communities of “others”.

In order to reduce loneliness, we need a cultural framework that includes both a broad, inclusive understanding of gender and space to honor the value some men place on traditional roles — without shame or erasure.

The Impact of Digitalization on Social Connections and Isolation Due to Social Media

The original premise of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram was to keep us connected and engaged with our friends and family. But for many men, it’s done the opposite. Social media apps, including dating apps, often encourage brief and superficial interactions. Likes, swipes, and short messages have replaced the long talks and shared experiences that are the pillars of real friendships and meaningful relationships.

There’s a plethora of research that shows that use of social media is linked to increases in anxiety and depression; and worse, more and more people are consuming social media. This is largely due to the “highlight reel effect”, which is the tendency for people to curate and present only the best parts of their lives on social media, which can spark feelings of inadequacy and/or shame when the person scrolling on social media is comparing themselves to others’ highlight reels. I often joke with my clients “nobody makes a post about how they’re feeling constipated and ate a banana”.

For many men, face-to-face engagement has declined, and these trends started well before the COVID-19 pandemic. Online platforms simply don’t bring the same quality of communication that in-person interactions bring like facial expressions, body language, vocal tone, vocal volume, and gestures. While virtual communication can make a fine supplement for in-person conversations, there’s no studies showing that it’s an effective replacement for it.

Lack of Physical Social Experiences

The 2023 report from the US Surgeon General Entitled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” shows that traditional indicators of community involvement like clubs, labor unions, and church groups have declined in engagement and participation over the last several decades and replaced with more phone and social media usage. With fewer Americans engaging in physical social activities or going to physical social settings, fewer relationships are being formed as well.

Life Transitions and the Erosion of Friendships

After school or college, many men gradually lose touch with their friendships. As careers and family life take precedence, maintaining close bonds often gets deprioritized. Without an intentional effort to nurture these connections, isolation can grow — especially when men rely solely on their romantic partners for emotional support. This makes breakups or divorces particularly painful when there’s no broader circle to lean on.

Social media can make this worse since it promotes surface-level interactions, giving the illusion of connection while deepening disconnection. For men already feeling isolated by life transitions and loss of friendships, this can intensify feelings of loneliness and make it harder to build meaningful relationships.

Why Men Are the Loneliest They've Ever Been & What Can Help

Too many men grow up believing that emotional suppression is strength and that they must be stoic as much as possible. As a result, they learn to suppress their emotions, with anger usually being the only exception for “negative” emotions, which only deepens a sense of isolation and disconnection from others. A key to healing from loneliness is promoting emotional vulnerability and healthy emotional communication. I often ask my male clients:

  • “What actually takes more strength and courage: hiding your true feelings, or sharing your true feelings?”
  • “Which person has more strength in your eyes: the one that sees their issues and has the insight and courage to work on them, or the one who suppresses their issues and denies needing to work on them?”.

Sharing your emotions, working on your mental health issues, and learning to be vulnerable are essential acts of bravery and strength. Many men can benefit from taking accountability and responsibility for their emotions and emotional issues. Men often need invitation and encouragement from others to speak openly about their emotions without fear of judgment or stigma.

Towards a More Connected Future

To combat male loneliness, we must shift both culture and practice. Emotional connection must be valued as much as productivity or independence. We need to teach emotional literacy, normalize vulnerability and talk about why it’s a sign of strength, and invest in communities where men can be seen, heard, and supported. As a society, we can and should be having larger conversations about healthy masculinity. When men turn to online communities to get their emotional needs met, they also can get fed very regressive and harmful definitions of masculinity that encourage emotional repression, expressing anger, or worse, devaluing others as a way to make themselves feel better.

Community support can make a huge difference. Peer networks, group therapy, men’s circles, and social groups centered around shared interests can provide essential emotional support and help rebuild meaningful bonds.

As therapists and caring individuals, we can all play a part. Understanding the reasons male loneliness is rising is essential if we are to build stronger communities and support systems for men. Check in on the men in your life. Create space for real conversation. Let them know that emotional openness is not a weakness, it’s a path to health and connection.

FAQ: Questions Men (and Society) Are Afraid to Ask About Loneliness

1. What are the reasons for male loneliness today?
Many men experience loneliness due to societal expectations that discourage emotional vulnerability and promote instead emotional suppression or stoicism. In many cases, men are socialized to believe that showing anger is one of the few acceptable negative emotions to outwardly display. Life transitions like going from school to work life, divorce, relocation, etc. can weaken social ties, and men are often less likely to seek new connections. Modern digital life often offers surface-level connection without real intimacy.

2. Is male loneliness really worse now than before?
Yes. There is plenty of research that shows that men are the loneliest they’ve ever been; more men today report having few or no close friends. Contributing factors include declining community involvement, changing relationship patterns, and increased social media/internet consumption

3. What are the biggest causes of male loneliness?
Some of the biggest causes of male loneliness include traditional male gender norms that promote emotional suppression and avoiding vulnerability discourage emotional closeness with others, lack of effort in maintaining friendships, and life disruptions such as job loss or divorce. Possibly related, studies show that young men are less likely to graduate from college than in previous generations, and therefore have less opportunities than women to make friends in college or at work.

4. Why don’t men talk about feeling lonely?
For many men, talking about loneliness is tantamount to admitting weakness, which conflicts with “traditional” masculinity. Many men feel ashamed or fear judgment for expressing emotional needs, leading them to stay silent and therefore making it harder for their emotional needs to be met by those around them.

5. How does loneliness affect men’s health?
“Humans are social creatures” is a cliche for a reason; we tend to thrive when we have healthy relationships in our lives, and tend to suffer in multiple ways when we lack close, healthy relationships. Studies show that loneliness increases the risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, substance abuse, and early death. Men are less likely than women to seek professional help, which worsens these risks.

6. What can help reduce loneliness in men?
As part of a broader conversation, we can do a lot for our boys and men, including teaching emotional openness and healthy emotional expression, encouraging men to build and maintain relationships, and challenge outdated gender norms around men’s emotions. On the micro level, all of us can help by reaching out to the men in our life, check in with them, see how they’re doing, and try to be intentional about connecting on a deeper level with them.