Is Love Really Blind? A Therapist Explains the Psychology Behind Instant Connections

Published on October 22, 2024 by Zencare Team and written by Paula Glashausser, LCSW.

Warning: This blog contains some spoilers for the Love is Blind US series, and Love is Blind Season 7.

I’m going to be completely honest — I am hooked on Love is Blind. Not only is it a show with lots of suspense and drama, but it allows viewers to witness people falling in love, which is such a beautiful thing. Love is Blind also conveys how connections are formed — very quickly — and what giving and receiving unconditional love can look like. So, we wonder, is love truly blind?

Love is Blind Season 7 is well underway, so let’s dive into how people make connections so quickly in this show, the science behind chemistry and falling in love, and the longevity of the connections.

What Does Love is Blind Really Mean?

When we hear the term “love is blind,” we generally envision concerns and red flags that may be overlooked because the love shared by two people is so deep that they are blind to the reality and truth of the situation. With Netflix’s Love is Blind, while the above mentioned is still a bit of the case, they take the general concept to the next level as contestants are also blind to the physical appearance of the people they’re dating.

Love is Blind contestants meet in small rooms, called pods, where they are separated by a wall and can only hear each other’s voices. Men and women are in separate quarters and only connect in the pods. Everyone’s electronic devices are taken away and access to external influence while participating in the experiment is denied. Couples physically meet only after they are engaged to be married.

How is it possible for someone to feel ready to offer a marriage proposal, or accept a marriage proposal, after just ten days of solely talking? By limiting factors such as physical appearance, life stressors, and social expectations, connecting in the pods allows space for the vital pillars needed to build a real connection to make their way to the forefront: emotional vulnerability, honesty, deep conversations, and authenticity. The sole purpose of the Love is Blind social experiment is to get to know the person on the other side of the wall. There are no distractions, no time constraints, and nothing is off limits.

How Can You Build a Deep Enough Connection by Just Talking?

Even though contestants can’t physically see one another in the pods, they can definitely still feel when someone is engaged, and they can also pick up on a lot of their personality as well. Yes, non-verbal communication and body language are critical elements of interaction, but so is tone, rhythm, volume, pause, emotion, and most importantly, listening.  

Actively listening, building rapport, demonstrating genuine interest, and mutually participating in conversations is also crucial in cultivating a bond between two people. This type of engaging behavior is what Dr. John Gottman calls bids for connection, which makes all of the difference in the success of a relationship or marriage. With any connection, especially a romantic one, feeling seen, heard, valued, and supported are of the utmost importance.

For the couples who do end up saying “I do,” you often see this type of communication and behavior in the pods. You notice the conversation flow. Those connections appear to be easy, fun, and it’s clear which couples are a good fit from the start. It’s also common that the couples who end up saying “I do” often share similar core values, have the same sense of humor, and have similar world views. Not only are these signs that a long-term relationship or marriage can work, but it also provides each partner a sense of feeling understood, which is essential in healthy relationships. Each contestant feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and bring their authentic self to the connection can profoundly solidify a bond.

Chemistry and Falling in Love

Aside from the social and sexual aspects of romantic chemistry, neurologic chemistry also plays quite a role. When falling in love, our happy hormones are triggered. Oxytocin, also known as the “love” or “happy” hormone, can increase when new love is forming. Lots of oxytocin is present at the start of a relationship because of the connectedness one feels. Feeling heard, cared for, accepted, and feeling that you can trust someone, all contribute to the increase of oxytocin in the brain.

Dopamine and serotonin are also important happy hormones to keep in mind. According to the Cleveland Clinic, dopamine “plays a role as a ‘reward center’ and in many bodily functions including memory, movement, motivation, mood, and attention.” Dopamine is related to excitement, pleasure, and the motivation to seek out more of that good feeling. Serotonin is the happiness hormone and regulates mood. Serotonin is “often called [the] body’s natural ‘feel good’ chemical” which can cause one to “feel more focused, emotionally stable, happier and calmer.”

Is Love Really Blind in the Long-Term?

When people are forming bonds in the pods, all of their happy hormones are flowing — they are feeling all the feels. But what happens when those doors open and they finally meet their fiancé face to face for the first time? What happens when they’re on vacation and physically meet and interact with the rest of the cast? What happens when unpleasant truths make their way to the surface?

Once people return to the real world and begin to incorporate their fiancés into their day-to-day lives, love isn’t always as blind as it seems. Physically watching someone be themselves around you, with family and friends, or in public, can change things quite a bit. Witnessing their little quirks, as well as how they handle conflict, can potentially be deal breakers.

Love is Blind Season 7 has been really interesting to watch. There were several interactions that were concerning, including Leo berating Hannah when the time came for her to choose between him and Nick – putting that type of pressure on another person is not okay. Alex often presents as judgmental of Tim, which has been heartbreaking to watch. It was great to see Tim set some boundaries after the fight they had in Mexico, however, which is an important step when couples are moving through their first few moments of conflict. The bomb that Tyler dropped on Ashley after they were engaged was shocking — a significant life choice, such as being a sperm-donor to three children, should have been disclosed early on in the experiment. Taylor and Garrett, our two scientists, seem to have chemical bonding down to a T (literally and figuratively). Garrett seems fluent in Taylor’s witty and dry humor, and their discussions generally seem to be a safe space where each of them can openly express themselves. Deciding on a move to San Diego could negatively impact their synergy, however.

Time will only tell if these Love is Blind Season 7 couples will say “I do.” Regardless of what happens, each of these couples do seem to have a genuine connection – whether that connection can survive the real world, as well as the honeymoon period coming to an end, is another story.

What Happens When the Honeymoon Period Fades?

When navigating the transition from pod love to real-life love, communication is the best tool available to support couples in fostering their love and moving forward. Turning toward or bids for connection is an aspect of communication that can strengthen a relationship — showing interest in a partner and their needs can support growth during both difficult and exciting moments. Asking questions and leading with curiosity (versus judgment) can also go a long way during times of conflict or while working to bolster bonds. Most importantly, being supportive during moments of vulnerability, having empathy, and being present in those tough moments (if safe to do so) can further advance trust and the relationship.

Whether it’s openly communicating in order to resolve conflict, or communicating to better understand what each person needs, talking to one another openly and honestly can help limit resentment, anger, frustration, and can increase growth.

Can Therapy Help Strengthen Instant Connections?

Absolutely. As a couples therapist, I often wish I could jump into the television and help some of these couples further process certain things. Oftentimes, folks get too wrapped up in their own emotions, allow their ego to get in the way, or they go into defense mode, which hinders them from having an open discussion and trying to better understand where they’re each coming from. It is possible that deep down people shut down or turn away because that is safer than feeling rejected, but things end up falling apart and something that could have been addressed becomes too big to overcome.

Whether in a relationship or not, taking care of you should be a top priority. For couples, couples therapy can help guide folks through conflict, improve communication, help strengthen safety and trust, and can also provide you tools to find compromise. For couples who don’t have a long history, starting couples therapy early may offer the support needed to have a successful and healthy relationship or marriage.

Therapy is a safe space for everyone, regardless of the reason. Therapy can truly make all the difference.

Is it Safe to Say That Love is Blind?

Ultimately, yes. In the first 6 seasons of Love is Blind (USA), of the eleven couples who got married, nine remain together. That’s nearly 82%. I’d say that’s a fairly high number. For the two couples who got divorced in Love is Blind Season 2 (Chicago), the red flags were really flying. The couples were aware of the issues at hand — significant issues, as a matter of fact — but they chose to ignore their concerns and proceed with making the biggest decision of their life. Marriage is not to be taken lightly — it is a huge responsibility — and being blind to what is right in front of you shouldn’t be taken lightly either. That’s not the kind of “blind” the social experiment was aiming for. For the many couples who made it to the altar but chose to put their needs first, I commend them. It is hard to walk away from someone you love, but ultimately, it’s more difficult to commit to someone who you know isn’t right for you.

I encourage you to think about times in your life where you met someone, even a friend, and instantly hit it off — what did it feel like? What was it about that interaction that caused you to feel a spark or connection? Do you think it’s possible for love to be truly blind…?