Published on June 16, 2025 by Zencare Team. Written by Shereen Mohsen, Psy.D. at Relucent Psychology Group.
Hey, so coming out — it's a big deal, right? It's like saying, "This is who I am," and that can be really awesome. It can make you feel more connected to yourself and others. But, let's be honest, it can also be a little scary. You might be worried about what people will think, especially your family or close friends. As someone who helps people through this, I get it. It's a journey with lots of feelings mixed in.
This guide is here to help you out. Whether you're just thinking about talking to someone or you've already started, we'll explore how to take care of your mental health while coming out. I'll also give you some tips on talking to your family and friends, and ways to stay strong through it all.
Why Coming Out Can Feel Tough on Your Mind
First off, if coming out feels hard or makes you feel stressed, you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. Seriously.
There's a real connection between coming out and how you're feeling. Telling people something so personal can bring up fears — like, will I be safe? Will I still be me? Will I belong? If your family or where you live isn't super supportive, those worries can get even bigger.
At Relucent Psychology Group, here are some things I see a lot when I work with people coming out:
- Being scared of people not accepting you, especially your family. This can lead to feeling super anxious, wanting to stay by yourself, or even feeling down a lot.
- Feeling bad about yourself because of what other people might think. Like you've been told so much that it's not okay, even though you know you're fine.
- Feeling worn out from trying to act a certain way all the time to avoid being judged.
- And, yep, a higher risk of mental health problems. According to the Trevor Project’s 2024 and 2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People, many LGBTQ+ teens said they'd thought about hurting themselves? That's really serious.
These feelings aren't because you're weak. It's because sometimes, the world isn't as welcoming as it should be. Coming out and your mental health are linked, and taking care of yourself during this time is super important.
Common Worries When Coming Out
Everyone's story is different, but some feelings come up a lot. If you're feeling any of these, you're definitely not the only one:
- Being scared your family will reject you — worried about losing their support or not being close anymore.
- Being worried about being judged or misunderstood — like people will only see one part of you.
- Feeling like you're losing control — because you can't control how others will react.
- Feeling guilty or like it's your fault if there's conflict — like you're causing trouble just by being yourself.
If any of this sounds familiar, that means you care deeply. It's brave to think about how your truth might affect others, but remember, you matter too.
Preparing Emotionally: How to Maintain Mental Health When Coming Out
Before talking to someone, it's good to prepare emotionally. It's not just about what you say — it's about how you're feeling inside.
Here are four things you can do to help your mental health:
- Know why you're doing this. What makes you want to come out? Are you tired of hiding? Do you want to be closer to people? Knowing your "why" helps you stay strong.
- Set limits. You decide who you tell, when, and how. There's no rush. Do what feels right for you.
- Tell yourself it's okay to be you. Your identity is real and matters, no matter what others say. Try saying things like, "I don't need permission to be who I am," or "My truth is important."
- Have a support system. Have someone you can talk to — a friend, a therapist, or an online group. Knowing someone is there for you can make things easier.
These things are key to staying mentally healthy when coming out. You don't have to do this alone.
What to Expect From Family and How to Deal With It
Talking to family is usually the hardest part. Sometimes, the worry about it is worse than the actual conversation.
Here's what to keep in mind:
- People react in different ways. Some will be happy and supportive. Others might be confused or not say much. Remember, their first reaction might not be how they really feel later.
- Give them time to process. You've probably been thinking about this for a while. They might need time to catch up. That's okay.
- Protect your mental health. If a conversation gets bad, it's okay to take a break or walk away. You don't have to take abuse to be brave.
- Share resources. Sometimes people don't understand because they don't know much. Share articles or websites that can help them learn.
You're not responsible for how other people react to your truth. Their feelings are theirs to deal with — your job is to take care of you.
Building Resilience During the Process
So, coming out? It's not like a one-time thing, right? It's more like… showing up for yourself, day after day. And that takes a different kind of strength. Not the "tough it out, ignore everything" kind, but the "I'm still gonna be me, even when it's tricky" kind.
Here are some things I tell folks to help them stay strong and stay themselves through all this:
- Celebrate the little wins. Seriously, they add up! Told one friend? Awesome! Used the right pronouns? Heck yeah! Wrote your feelings down in a journal? That counts big time! These are all steps to feeling more free and real.
- Have some go-to ways to chill out. When things feel stressful, try deep breaths, going for a walk, or just writing down whatever's in your head. It helps you stay in the moment and not get totally overwhelmed.
- Give yourself a daily dose of "you." Follow LGBTQ+ creators online, listen to music that makes you feel good, or watch shows that just get it. It's like a reminder that you're part of something awesome and you're not alone.
- Don't be afraid to get some help. Talking to a therapist who's cool with LGBTQ+ stuff? Super helpful. They can help you work through all the feelings, sort things out, and feel more confident every step of the way. Even choosing a therapist who is part of the LGBTQ+ community can be especially helpful, that way you won’t have to spend time explaining some of the nuances of what you’re going through.
Just remember, being strong isn't about pretending everything's perfect. It's about being kind to yourself, even when things are hard, and knowing you can get through it.
Finding and Creating Support Systems
Having people who get you? It makes all the difference. Especially if your family isn't totally on board yet, having your own "chosen family" can be a lifesaver.
Here are a few ideas for finding your crew:
- Dive into online communities. Reddit, Discord, Instagram — there are tons of spaces where LGBTQ+ people hang out and support each other. Look for places where you feel like you belong.
- Know about the helpers. Places like The Trevor Project are there for you 24/7 if you need someone to talk to, day or night.
- Find local groups or meetups. Check if there are LGBTQ+ centers or student groups nearby. Sometimes being with other people in person is just what you need.
- Build your own family. Your chosen family can be anyone who loves and supports you — friends, mentors, partners. Sometimes they feel even closer than the family you were born into.
Basically, whatever your situation, there are people out there who want to support you. You deserve to be seen and cared for, exactly as you are.
It’s also really important to celebrate little victories when going through the coming out process. Here are some ways to celebrate small wins during the coming out process:
- Acknowledge it! Simply saying to yourself, "Hey, I did that!" can be a powerful first step. Self-affirmation goes a long way.
- Treat yourself. Did you tell one friend? Maybe get your favorite treat or watch that movie you've been wanting to see. It doesn't have to be big, just something that feels special.
- Share it (if you want). If you have a trusted friend or someone in your support system, tell them about your win! Sharing the joy can make it even sweeter.
- Write it down. Keep a journal or note on your phone where you track these wins. Looking back at them can remind you of your progress and courage.
- Do something creative. Draw, paint, write a poem, or play an instrument. Channeling your feelings into art can be a really meaningful celebration.
- Spend time in nature. Go for a walk, sit in a park, or just enjoy the sunshine. Sometimes a quiet moment connecting with nature can be a beautiful way to celebrate inner growth.
- Give yourself a verbal pat on the back. Say something kind to yourself like, "I'm proud of you," or "You're doing great." Self-compassion is key!
- Connect with your community. If you're part of an LGBTQ+ group or online community, share your win there! Others who understand can celebrate with you.
- Take a moment to breathe. Just pause and take a few deep breaths. Acknowledge the moment and the courage it took. Sometimes stillness is the best celebration.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Peace, Pride, and Support
Coming out and mental health are deeply connected. Whether you're just beginning to explore your identity or are years into living it openly, your emotional well-being is worth protecting.
This process can be joyful, confusing, heartbreaking, liberating — often all at once. There’s no right timeline, no perfect way to do it. You are allowed to come out slowly. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to feel afraid and still move forward.
What matters most is that you stay connected to yourself. Stay grounded in your truth, surround yourself with people who lift you up, and remind yourself often:
You are not too much. You are not alone. You are already enough.
If you’re looking for support right now, here are some helpful resources: